The war started as it normally does every year. Quietly, without warning. It was two days before Thanksgiving, and they snuck onto the left lane and weren’t noticed at first. There were Toyota Siennas. Honda Odysseys. Even a couple of Volvo XC70’s.
It isn’t clear who fired the first shot. Some witnesses say it was the SUV with the soccer ball vinyl in the window that stayed in the EZ Pass lane until the last second, and then realized they didn’t know what EZ pass actually was. Others say it was the road rage exhibited from a commuter stuck behind a family actually travelling the speed limit in the left lane.
But that’s a moot point now, because the battle is here, now, and on our doorsteps. Fellow commuters know what I’m talking about, its the annual war that rages between commuters and travelers in the holiday season.
See, the thing is that commuters, we know how to drive. We know the roads. We know what lanes to be in, and we always know what the guy ahead of us, beside and behind us is going to do. We know how to drive alongside the 18 wheelers without being a hazard, and we know not how to time toll gates so we don’t actually have to stop or really even low down. We know what an actual safe following distance is. We know where our blindspots are, and we know what a safe speed is for the roads we travel, and how to handle a car. We know our cars, and we don’t typically break down. We know where the bad potholes are and avoid those lanes.
But then there are the travelers; They are on their way to Grandmas, to the in-laws or to a family friend. They heard that the airports are sexually assaulting people, so they will drive even further this year than last. In fact, a recent study by Telenav suggested 73% of people will be driving to their destinations this holiday season. Here’s how to spot them so you can stay safe this holiday season.
Top 10 ways to spot the difference between a commuter and a traveler:
1. They slam on their brakes in the Express EZ pass lane, causing a multi car pileup
2. Hang out in your blind spot
3. Drive with their brights on, even in the middle of the day
4. Have no idea what lane to be in
5. Follow pointless traffic signals, like “EZ Pass only this lane” like lemmings
6. Always within 5 mph of the speed limit, totally unaware of the line of cars building behind them
7. Will say parallel with the car in the next lane creating an impassable blockade
8. Ice + AWD inflated confidence= ditch
9. Piloting anything with a Connecticut plate that isn’t a BMW Sedan.
10. Driving at full speed, about to miss an exit their Mapquest directions or GPS failed to notify them well in advance of, cut over three lanes of traffic without looking just so they don’t have to go make a U-turn, because that would be the end of the world.
The summary is this. We have to deal with them. They will be on the road until January 2nd, so we have to learn ho to avoid them until then. We have to outsmart them. Don’t drive on weekends. Know the backroads that GPS units wont recommend, like Rt 46. Take the truck lanes. Leave some space at EZ Pass, and always watch 2-3 vehicles ahead for sudden stops, because you know they aren’t. Also, recognize the sever amount of intoxicated drivers on the road early in the night and be especially wary.
We win every year. They go away and the roads are ours once again. Sure they will come back every once in a while, like Memorial day and 4th of July holidays, but for now we have to outsmart them and outdrive them.
